


As Long As We Both Shall Live

by Cameroncollins



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-28
Updated: 2014-05-03
Packaged: 2017-12-30 18:26:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1021952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cameroncollins/pseuds/Cameroncollins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What's a soul mate?" "It's like a best friend, but more. It's the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone<br/>else. It's someone who makes you a better person... Well, no- you do that yourself, because they inspire you. A soul mate is someone<br/>who you carry with you forever. It's the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or<br/>when no one else would. And no matter what happens... you'll always love them."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_I'm the kind of guy that refuses love, because it isn't worth the risk. Why would you want to put yourself out on the line if you're just gonna get hurt? Don't get me wrong. I have friends and I care about them. I've dated girls (and guys, too), but I knew better than to let myself fall for them. It's dangerous to love someone. It's dangerous and it's stupid, because you let yourself get lost in everything they are; their dreams, their wishes, their wants. That's Harry's problem, I guess; but it's what makes him perfect. He lets himself fall because he loves to be loved and to love, but he loves bad people. They hurt him and wrap him in a web of lies that are as sharp as razor wire. Harry doesn't deserve that. He deserves his dreams to come true. He deserves the best that can be given... He just keeps looking in the wrong places._

"Louis!" Harry whispers into Lou's ear, excitement laced into his voice.

Louis groans, rolling over. "Go back to sleep, Harry."

Harry shakes him, laughing. "C'mon, Lou. We're meeting Nick today!"

"Ahh," Louis sighs, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "So we are." He smiles at Harry, who is suspiciously lacking a sleep in his eyes.  Louis can’t help but smile at him. "Let’s get ready, then."

Louis drove them to the park, while Harry sat in the passenger seat flicking through radio stations; stopping only on love songs. Louis would glance over at him and he'd be smiling down at his phone, face stained pink. Harry's face didn't get red unless he cried, like really, _really_ cried. But when he blushed, his entire face would flush a soft pink, all the way down his neck. Sometimes, when Louis was too drunk to lie to himself, he'd wonder how much farther down that blush went.  As they pulled into the park, Louis pushed these thoughts away, turning off the car.

"Ready?"

Harry smiled, hope in his eyes. "Ready."

Louis mostly watched Nick and Harry as they lay in the grass, chatting about anything and everything. Harry would ask him questions every now and then, and Louis would answer with both his and Nick's full attention; but Louis tried to let Harry soak Nick up. Nick seemed to be a good enough guy; he was nice, his sense of humor wasn't too bad. Louis popped a grape into his mouth and noticed that somewhere along the line; Nick's and Harry's hands had come together. He felt a pang of something, and even though deep down he knew what it was, he refused to acknowledge it.

The ride home was spent with Harry gushing over Nick; his hair, his lips, his _voice_.

"I noticed you two were holding hands?" Louis questioned, changing the radio from a song about wanting something you can't have to anything else, just not that.

"Yes! Oh, Louis, thank you for coming with me. Thank you for this, for dealing with me."

Louis chuckled. "Dealing with you?"

"I know you don't approve of love and all that, Louis."

"You already love him?" Louis joked. He hoped Harry hadn't caught the nerves in his voice.

Harry rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean, Lou. I don't, but I could. And then maybe I'll fall for him. Maybe he'll fall for me...” Harry's voice trailed off, his eyes focusing on the landscape running past them. "Maybe he's the one," Harry whispered. Mainly to himself.  Louis let out a shaky sigh, letting some sad song fill up the car as they drove.

Louis drank that night. And the next one. Because Harry texted him about Nick. Sent him pictures of them together. Louis needed to find someone to distract the jealousy that rushed inside of him. It wasn't hard too, he knew he was good looking and he knew people thought so. He found some drunk college girl, went back to his place. They drank more.

"You're so beautiful," He lied, tucking a loose chunk of hair back behind her ear.

She giggled, her face flushing red. Louis frowned. "Thank you," She slurred, resting her hand on Louis' thigh. That was his Que.

He thrusted into her, thinking of Harry but trying not to. She scratched at his back but he imagined the pain coming from Harry's nails, the soft moans whispered into her ear coming from _his_ lips, not some dumb broad he had picked up at a bar. When it was all said and done, he called her a cab. She clung to him as they waited outside, placing sloppy drunk kisses on his neck and cheek.

She giggled as she slid into the cab, waving goodbye to Louis.

He had, of course, given her a phony number. He always did. One night stands were just that for him. He didn't want to see the person again. He trudged back up the stairs to his apartment, distracted enough to fall asleep.

Four o'clock in the morning, Louis is woken up by his phone ringing. He groans, reaching for it.

"Hello?"

"It's happening," Harry whispers, and it's obvious he's nervous and has been crying.

"What do you mean?" Louis unplugged his phone so he could roll over in his bed.

"I'm falling. For Nick, I mean...” Louis held in a sigh.

"Why is that a bad thing, Haz?"

"Because he isn't falling for _me_ ," Harry insisted.

"He'd be an idiot not to." Harry huffed on the other end of the line, shifting. "That's not what this about. This is about me, being stupid because Nick is amazing and funny and beautiful and everything I want, and I'm falling for him but he isn't falling for me."

Louis is too tired to acknowledge his sudden jealousy. "How do you know he isn't falling for you, Haz?"

"Eh, we were doing that 'I love you more,' 'no I do' thing, and he said. ‘There is no way you could love me more than I love you, unless you were falling in love with me’."

"What's the _difference_?" Louis groaned.

" _The difference_ ," Harry whispered, "is that loving someone is just feeling strongly about them. _Falling_ for them… That's seeing how they breathe and breathing with them. And when they laugh, you lock away the sound somewhere deep inside of yourself. And their smile becomes everything. The secret places on their body that only you know about, the way they say something... the way everything about them becomes so overwhelming that you lose your breath, because they're so perfect. That's _falling_ in love."

Louis was wide awake now, his mind hanging on every word that Harry had said. His eyes were glued to the ceiling. "That was...."

"You probably think I'm the stupidest person alive, I know. 'Love is a waste of time' and all that. I bet you've never loved someone."

Louis grew irritated. "Do you really think that?"

"You don't really give me proof of otherwise..." Harry's voice trailed off.

"I've loved people, someone." Louis slapped himself against the head. _Idiot,_ he thought to himself.

"Who?!" Harry whispered excitedly. "Tell me everything,"

"Uh," Louis worried his lip, trying to think of something to say. "I don't wanna talk about it tonight, Haz. I have to go to work in a couple hours and-"

"Its okay, Lou. I understand. Can I bring you lunch later?"

Louis closed his eyes, a small smile dancing across his face. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Alright. See you then."

"And Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sure Nick will start falling for you soon, really. Just give it some time, let it play its course. Everything will work out, I promise."

"Thank you, Louis. You always take such good care of me."

"Goodnight, Haz."

"Goodnight..." Louis waited a couple seconds before hanging up. He stared up at the ceiling, the first rays of sunshine stretching across his room. Harry's words about being _in_  love and just loving someone echoed in his mind.  "His name is Harry," Louis whispered, drifting back into a dreamless sleep, Harry's face etched into the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

 

_Harry unlocked his phone, sleep in his eyes. There was a text from nick. He smiled and pulled it open._

  
_**can't wait to see you later** Harry frowned. _ _  
_

_**What do you mean?** He waited for NIck's reply.  
_

_**Oops, that was meant for someone else. Sorry babe x** Harry felt worry begin to gnaw at his gut._

_**Who was it for then?**   _

_Almost half an hour later, Nick finally replied. **My cousin is coming down to visit me, that's all. don't worry so much love.**_

_Harry smiled, the worry still sitting heavy in his stomach. **Yeah, of course. Love you. Have fun with your cousin**_ **xx**

Louis stared at Harry's phone, face expressionless. He knew the trick Nick was using, if it was a trick at all. He had to stay hopeful for Harry, had to stay positive; because if Louis thought something was wrong, Harry would be able to tell. 

"He's probably hanging out with his cousin, Haz. Don't worry about it." He slid Harry's phone back across the table and took a sip of his drink. He tried to act like nothing was the matter, but the texts were deifinitly fishy.

"Are you sure Lou? i don't know.. I don't think I could handle this happening again.." Harry's eyes dirfted away from their lunch. Louis took his hand, squeezed it reassuringly. 

"Hey, look at me." He waited til he held Harry's gaze. "Everything is fine. If Nick is doing something wrong, I'll handle it. Until then, just be happy with him." Harry smiled, squeezing Louis' hand back. Louis sighed. 

"Shall I talk to him?"

"No, don't do that.. I'm sure it's nothing. You're right." Harry chuckled. They ate the rest of their lunch in a tense silence, Harry glancing at his phone every now and then. "Wanna come over today after work? I rented a new movie." Looking at Harry, Louis could tell he needed this. 

"Yeah, sure. I get off at five, then I'll head right over." Harry's face lit up, Louis smiled at him; a spark of possesion firing in his chest.  _mine,_ he thought to himself. Harry went off home and Louis went back to work, stocking shelves and directing lost customers. Finally it was time to go. He clocked out and swung by the store to get some ice cream, then drove to Harry's house. They put on the movie, got spoons and ate out of the carton while it played. It was, of course, a romantic comedy. Harry always made Louis watch them. He didn't mind this one, though. Jason Segal and Emily blunt were the couple, and emily's character ahd gotten accepted into Michigan state. Louis was actually getting into the movie when Harry took some of the ice cream and put it on his nose. It was cold and a little melty from sitting on the bed between them. It slid on his nose and into his mouth. He looked over at Harry, who was trying not to laugh, and quirked up his eye brow. 

"Are you really gonna do this?" He joked, scooping some ice cream into his spoon. "Because I will win, Harry."

Harry let the laughter leave his mouth scooting away from Louis on the bed. "No no it's alirght-"

"I think you should have some, Harry," Louis scooted with him until Harry was a mess of giggles against the wall. 

"Lou-!" Louis smushed the ice cream onto Harry's nose, errupting in laughter. Harry tackled him, grabbing ice cream from the container and rubbing it on Louis' face.

"Ahhhh!" Louis squirmed under Harry, getting his own ice cream and planting it on Harry's head. They continued to make a mess of ice cream on the bed and each other, laughter filling the room. Eventually they run out of ice cream, so they begin to clean up, rubbing sticky melted ice cream on each other every now an then as they strip the sheets off the bed. 

"Louis?" 

"Yeah?" Louis looked up as he shoved the sheets and blankets into the wash machine. 

"Nick hasn't talked to me since that conversation.." Louis felt like Nick had stolen their moment away, and he wasn't even there. He sighed, starting the wash, guiding Harry back to the room. As they put clean sheets on the bed, Louis thought about what might be going on. Nick could be leaving, which is pretty fucked up. He could just be busy, all three of them have jobs. They got back into bed and Louis pulled Harry close to him, planting a kiss on his forehead. 

"Everything is gonna work out just fine, Haz. He's probably just at work." 

"Yeah, you're right." He fell asleep eventually, like that; Louis holding Harry tightly against him. Harry fell asleep first, of course; he always did when they watched these kinds movies. You'd think it would be the other way around. At the ending of it, Emily blunt and Jason Segal's characters get married, and Louis finds himself with tears in his eyes. He sniffles, wiping at them. He looks down at Harry. He looks so young and at peace; his chest lifts and falls with an even rhythm, and if Louis moves his head closer he can hear his heart beat. His eyes move quickly behind his lids, and Louis can't help but feel overwhelemd. _'the way everything about them becomes so overwhelming that you lose your breath, because they're so perfect. That's falling in love'_ came back to Louis. More tears came to his eyes. He knew he loved Harry, or was  _in_ love with him, whatever. Louis had felt this way about Harry since the day they met. He had seen him and felt it, that spark; that  _need_ for him. His breath hitched as he thought about it.

They had, of course talked about dating. Louis said it was rediculous; they wanted different things, and Louis would be bad for Harry, anyway. Harry said that he could do it, be in a committed relationship; that one day, Louis would meet someone that would blow him away and change his life forever. That's what Harry wanted, though. Not Louis. At least he said he didn't. His bacholer swagger was all a way to hide the fact that all he wanted was Harry, all his life he had been missing him, wondering were he was. Louis needed Harry. Needed him with every fiber in his body; but he knew that if they were together, Louis would get distracted. He would hurt harry, and lose him. Even if they made up, it would never be the same; Louis would have been just another one of those guys who had hurt Harry, and he couldn't have that, so he locked up his heart and focused instead on anything other than Harry, at least as much as he could. Louis eventually found his way to sleep, head resting on Harry's chest, the soft thump of his heart beat following Louis into his dreams. 

 ~~~

Louis woke up smushed against the wall, the warmth of Harry no where on the bed. He groaned, pushing himself away from the wall and into a sitting position. Rubbing his eyes, he looked around. Harry wasn't anywhere in the room. He pushed the covers off, glancing at Harry's lit-up phone. He heard the shower running. He nocked on the door but there was no response. 

"Harry?" He pushed the door open, but the bathroom was empty. He shut off the shower. As he neared the front of the house he heard shouting. He walked faster, recognizing Harry's voice. 

"Listen to me!" It was Nick.

"No Get away! Don't you ever fucking come around me again!" Harry was screaming, throwing clothes at Nick that Louis didn't recognize. He came up to Harry, touching his arm. 

"What's going on?" Harry turned to look at him, his face blotched red, tears running down it. Anger swallowed Louis. He looked at Nick, who was silent now, looking between Louis and Harry. His hands shot up in defense. 

"I didn't do anything wrong!" 

Louis looked at Harry. "He.. or rather, um.. the girl he was with, sent me a picture of them...  _doing it_." Louis laughed. 

"Oh, Nick. I'm gonna kill you." 

"What?"Nick squeaked. Harry grabbed his arm but Louis just shrugged it off. His steps were even and quiet as he neared Nick, who stumbled backwords until he couldn't move anymore; his back agaisnt his car. Louis felt his fist connect with Nick's jaw, but after that he blacked out. He woke up back in bed, and for a minuet he thought he had dreamed every thing; but the almost imdieate pain from his bruised nuckles told him it had been real. He heard Harry talking to someone outside of the door. He got back out of bed, going to Harry. 

"Yes Ms. Tomlinson, he's fine. He just- hit Nick. Really hard.. repeatedly. With his hands. No, Nick isn't going to press charges. I'm fine, I guess. Numb right now. He's asleep. Yeah, I'll have him call you. Bye." Harry hung up, turned around and jumped. "You scared the shit out of me!" 

"I hope I  _beat_ the shit out of Nick." Harry frowned.

"You did a number on his face. I think you broke his nose." Louis smiled. Harry huffed. "It isn't funny. You could've gone to jail."

Louis shurgged, pulling Harry into a hug. "Nobody will ever get away with hurting you." He felt Harry's lips perk up against him. Holding him out in front of him, Louis looked him over. "You're in a state of shock." 

Harry nodded. 

"Hmm. We'll have to get more ice cream." Harry smiled, tears brimming his eyes. Louis new this was gonna be bad. 


	3. Chapter 3

Louis waited for the explosion, but it hadn't come yet. It had been a couple days, and Harry seemed to be doing fine without Nick. Louis tried not to talk about him; so far so good. He realized that Harry was just internalizing all of his feelings, but Louis didn't know how to get him to let it out. He didn't want to force Harry into a confession of pain, but he knew that if he kept pushing it away it wasn't going to end well for anyone. Louis notcied the start of it a couple days ago, infact. Harry was starting to talk less to other friends, even to Louis. He spent more time alone, taking sick days off work almost every week. Louis knew it had to come to this, but he wouldn't let Harry push him away. He got off work and drove to Harry's house.

Knocking on the door, he got no answer so he lifted the welcome mat and grabbed the key, letting himself in. "Harry?" he called, the house dark. He saw a light come on down the hall, so he walked to it. It was the bathrtoom. He heard water begin to run, but when he tried to come in the door slammed shut. "Haz, let me in please. Are you alright...?" All he could hear was the water running. "Do I need to bust this door down Harry?" Louis could hear him shuffling around the small bathroom behind the door, but he got no answer. He tried the doorknob, but it was locked. "Harry, seriously, just let me in. Talk to me.." 

The door swung open, throwing Louis off gaurd. Harry stood in front of him, his eyes red. His face was blotchy and tear stained; he had obvioulsy been crying. He wore a long sleeve shirt with red speckles running up the sleeves of each arm. Louis frowned. "What is-"  Louis felt numb as realization hit him, certain red spots growing larger as blood seeped through the shirt. 

" _What have you done,_ " Louis whispered, pulling at the stained shirt. He flinched at the sight of all the crimson lines, the blood dripping down Harry's wrist in all too dramatic fashion. "oh." He pulled Harry against him, both of them collapsing to the floor; Harry in tears. Louis rocked them, his face squeezed tightly against Harry's cold chest, eyes glued to his arms that sat limp beside him. He could feel more warm tears against his kneck as Harry cried silently. He grew angry at Harry, but forced all of his emotions away so he could take care of this mess of a boy in his arms. He pulled Harry up and sat him on the toilet, pulling the shirt off carefully. Cuts were scattered across his stomach and all the way up his arm, but Louis forced himself to stay focused on getting him cleaned up. He got alcohol out of the medicine cabinent and a clean washcloth, dabbing at Harry's body until it was left with irritated, but clean cuts. He ignored Harry's flinches as he continued to clean the wounds. He then went over it all with cold water before wrapping clean fresh bandages around Harry's arms and, eventually, his chest. Once his task was done, he pulled Harry to his room and threw a clean t-shirt at him. "Put it on." Harry listened, his face blank. 

"Are you mad at me?" He whispered, starting at his hands after he had pulled the shirt gingerly over his head. Louis continued to ignore his building rage. 

"A little bit, yeah."

"Why?"

"Because, Harry. Instead of coming to me,  _talking_ to me, you took a blade to your body. Not to mention you did it  _over a boy_ ," Louis hissed, squeezing the bridge of his nose in aggitation. 

"I... I'm sorry..." Harry's eyes stayed glued to the carpet, an empty silence settling over the room. Eventually, Louis felt himself let the anger go; he walked over to the bed and layed down, pulling gently at Harry's hip until the boy was laying next to him. His fingers combed through Harry's hair. He felt Harry shaking eventually, his chest growing wet from the quiet sobs. He felt them slowly stop, watched as Harry rolled slightly away from him; his eyes growing heavy before he rolled back against him once more, sleep capturing both of them in a tight grip. 

 

 

 ~~~~

Harry asked Louis to stay with him for the next couple days,  just to help him through the pain. Louis, of course, couldn't say no. He went to work the next day, trying to focus on his tasks at hand but often finding himself checking in on Harry. 

"I'm fine Louis, get back to work before you get fired." 

"What are doing though?" 

"Cooking, to keep my mind off things." 

"Alright.. I have to get back now. I'll be off in about two hours." 

"Alright," He chuckled, the line clicking. Louis took a shift at the cash register, finally being able to focus on the customers. He glanced at the clock every now and then, taking orders and money, handing back change. Finally his work night had come to an end, so he clocked out and drove back to Harry's house. When he went inside the savory smell of food captured him, pulling him into the kitchen; a smile on his face. Out of instinct, his arms wrapped around Harry's waist, making him jump. Louis quickly corrected himself and brought his hands higher on Harry's body, resting his chin on Harry's shoulder. 

"This smells really good, Haz." 

"It better. I've been perfecting the recipe all day." 

Louis chuckled, detangling himself from his friend, moving instead to the fridge. "How was your day?" He heard Harry ask.

"It was," Louis shrugs, grabbing a beer, closing the fridge door and leaning agaisnt the counter, "Boring, honestly."

"Why?" Harry asked, turning off the stove top before pulling out two plates and spooning alfredo onto them. 

"Oh, just a slow day. That and I was worried about you." Harry froze for a second before picking up the plates and walking to the small living room. Louis grabbed Harry a beer, following him into the room and trading the beer for a plate of food. Louis began to eat while Harry channel surfed. 

"This is delicious!" Louis mumbled, his mouth full of food.

Harry glanced at him and laughed. "FInish chewing before you talk!" 

Louis hurryed up to finish what was in his mouth, perparing another bite. "What's the sauce made of?"

Harry took a bite of his own food, chewing it and swollowing it before speaking. "Like three things of cream cheese and two sticks of butter." Louis's mouth fell open. 

"That's so much salt," 

"It was what we had. It's good, anyway." He fed Louis abite, smiling affectionately. 

They finished their meals, did dishes then settled into Harry's bed with a movie on. They fell into a comfortable routine for a couple days. Louis would go to work, Harry would cook dinner; they'd both go to work and eat out, Louis would stay home and Harry would work. It was comfortable and safe. Louis spent that friday at home, and when Harry got off work he brought home two bottles of vodka. Louis didn't question him, just took a bottle and followed suit. The vidka burned his throat; he could feel it move down his chest and when it hit his stomach, fireworks of warmth ran up his body, making his face tingle. He felt Harry's body get closer and closer to his, their laughs filling the room; his speech becoming slurred and inconprehensible.

he looked at Harry, a smile on the boys face. His cheeks were flushed pink from the alcohol, his eye lids heavy. "Louis," he mumbled, a hand coming up to rest on his cheek. Louis smiled, unaware of the situation he had put himself in. He closed his eyes, leaning into the touch. He felt Harry's lips against his, and for a second he let it happen. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for taking so long to upload the next chapter! I've had food poisoning for about a week and I'm moving to new york as well, but I'm back now! Still sick, but I hope to post at least a couple chapters in the next couple weeks. Hope you like it and thank you so much for reading!!!


	4. Chapter 4

Louis woke up with a killer headache and no pants on. Harry was no where in sight. The sun came through the window, swirls of dust swimming through it. Louis couldn't remember why his pants were missing. Where were his pants? He sat up and immediately regretted it.

"Ohhhhh," He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut.

"G'morning sleeping beauty." Louis jumped, and then groaned again because ow. Hangovers hurt.

"Where are you hiding, Harry?" Louis grumbled, glancing around the room but not seeing him.

A hand shot up, the body it was connected to obscured by the bed. "The floor. I also have your pants. Dunno why that is." Was he giggling? He was. Louis' eyes narrowed. 

"If you think you're being clever by holding my pants hostage, I assure you, you're wrong." 

Harry slowly pulled himself up so that Louis could see the shit eating grin on his face. "Lou, babe, I'm not holding your pants hostage. You can come and get them if you want them." 

Louis felt a strange tingling squeeze his lungs. Was Harry... Flirting with him? And then he remembered last night. He remembered too much vodka and a sloppy kiss that he shouldn't have let happen. He remembered wandering hands and Harry taking off his pants and then he crawled onto the bed and fell asleep. Oh god, what had he done? 

"Lou?" Harry's voice pulled him back to reality. His joking demeanor was gone, his face now etched with worry.

Louis decided to tackle Harry and get his pants back. It was the only way to distract them both from dark thoughts. This was maybe not a good idea, Louis thought to himself, as Harry was not expecting this and they were both hungover and hangovers hurt and oh god the floor is so cold. They both started laughing. "How did you sleep here? It's dreadful and hard and cold."

Harry's laugh faltered.  "I um, I didn't." Louis raised an eyebrow in question. Harry sighed, his eyes suddenly sad. "I just woke up a bit ago, because um, because Nick called." 

Louis' hangover was becoming a huge problem. Or maybe he was just getting angry? "Nick called."

"Yes..." Harry eyed Louis carefully.

"And?" 

"And... He tried to explain what happened. He said, those pictures were ages old. And that, the girl was his crazy ex who wanted Nick back, so she tried to sabotage our relationship by sending old pictures. He said he was with his cousin, and his cousin was willing to vouch for him." Harry looked at Louis with hope in his eyes. He had said that he was _in_ love with him, hadn't he? What did Louis expect would happen if Nick came crawling back? Did he really think that Harry, who wanted nothing but to love and be loved truly, would deny Nick a second chance? _Maybe I want Harry to turn him away,_ he thought to himself.  _Maybe I should try to be what he needs so he stops getting himself hurt._  

Louis worried his lip. "How did the girl get your number though?"

Harry sighed, resting his head on Lou's shoulder. "Nick says they still hang out sometimes because he feels sorry for her, and when she found out he was dating someone she stole my number from his phone. Does... Do you think he's telling the truth?"

Louis tried to ignore how warm Harry was and think about the things Nick had said. He sighed, dragging a hand across his face. "I honestly don't know, Haz. On one hand, his reasoning makes sense. But on the other hand, it's still pretty odd. For instance, why did he wait so long to defend himself? He could've tried sooner."  

Louis felt Harry's body shake slightly against his as he chuckled. "Maybe he didn't because you beat the crap out of him."

"I don't regret doing that."

"I know." They sat in silence for a little bit, watching the dust swirl around in the sunlight. Louis thought about what Harry had said so long ago about loving someone and being _in_ love. Harry had said it was finding all the little things about a person and locking them away deep inside yourself. He had also said that he was _in_ love with Nick, which meant that he had little pieces of Nick tucked away in his heart, that maybe made his view on the situation biased. Or maybe Louis was biased because of his own feelings for Harry. Maybe Nick really was being honest, but somewhere deep in Lou's heart he didn't want him to be telling the truth so that he could kiss Harry when he was sober and whenever else he wanted to.  Maybe. Or maybe Louis was right to be suspicious, because Nick had hurt Harry, whether it was a misunderstanding or not. 

 "Lou?" 

"Yeah Haz?"

There was a moment of silence before Harry continued. "Who do you love?" 

 _youiloveyoui'vealwaylsovedyou._ "No one, really."

"Why not?" Harry shifted so he could look into Lou's eyes. When they were sitting was one of the few times that Louis could say he was taller than Harry. 

"Because love is too complicated, Haz." 

Harry shifted again and sat up. "Didn't you say a couple weeks ago that you love someone?" 

 _shit,_ Louis cursed himself internally. "Once. One time." 

Harry's eyes lit up. "Tell me about it?" 

Louis had to look away so he could think of something. In all honestly, there had been someone he had really truly loved before Harry. It had been so long though, buried so deep that Louis never thought about it anymore. At least he had something to say now instead of a confession he didn't want to make. "It was a girl. Eleanor. We um, met at an old job." 

Harry smiled, that whimsical dreamy look he got when he watched a romcom slipping over his features. "What was she like?" 

Louis smiled, bitterness tinging his memories of her. "She was kind and beautiful, at first. Soft spoken but confident, really outgoing." 

"What happened, then? Something obviously did." 

Louis sighed. "I don't really wanna talk about this, Haz." Harry nodded. Louis was thankful that Harry knew when to back off and when to keep pestering him.

"So... What should we do about Nick?" Harry worried his lip.

Louis sighed again. _At least he hasn't brought up the kiss._  "What do you want to do?" 

Harry was thoughtful for a moment. "If I'm being honest... I'd like to give him another chance. I love him, you know? If he's being honest... I want to know." 

Louis thought there was more Harry wanted to say, but he left it at that. "Okay then. I guess you should call him, set up a date or something." Harry's smile was unbearable. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's been ten thousand years since I've updated. I moved to New York, and then a bunch of crap happened and I got sick a lot haha. But here we are, a new chapter and more to come. I hope you liked it!


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